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Pool Shark School of Surprise Attack

Tammy Schmitt

Tammy Schmitt

July 18, 2013

I have a sneaky suspicion that my garden is not all it appears to be. To the untrained eye it’s a colorful jumble of flowers, shrubs, and short fat dogs. But to the warren of rabbits snug in their earthen burrows beneath my neighbors foundation, it is the feast that fuels midnight parties, where I suspect the horny hares are quite busy going at it like, well… rabbits. I’m starting to worry that the main thing growing in my garden is simply more rabbits. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.

No heliopsis behind the monarda

Do you see the huge swath of bright yellow heliopsis behind the purple monarda? Yeah, me neither. What I do see are a few flowers to the left and right while the middle remains woefully empty. Why is that? Bunnies!

No protection from butterfly garden artThe entire middle of this patch of heliopsis was devoured by the fat bastards. Apparently, my metal butterfly wasn’t fierce enough to scare them away.
Note to Self: buy scarier garden art.

crying woman 3Please tell me that’s all they ate!

pool shark 2When not busy devouring unsuspecting gardens or canoodling in the dark, those ravenous rabbits have been attending the Pool Shark School of Surprise Attack. Heliopsis? Mostly devoured but will be back to finish the job. Dalea? Delicious. Malva ‘Zebrina’? C’est Magnifique! Cypress vine? Pole Beans? Excellent with a splash of lemon, please.

The asters are eatenBut it is the demise of the asters that has me the angriest. How dare they eat my asters after I worked so hard to stuff them into plant supports? You can kiss my asster, you fuzzy, garden-munching, furball screwing, ‘Hey, look how cute I am’ pests! Out, out, out of my garden!

hungry hippo




The neighborhood rabbits have eaten so much of my garden I doubt they even look like bunnies anymore. I should probably be on the lookout for a herd of hippos instead.



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Catherine Stewart
10 years ago

I feel your pain and despair. We have a rabbit plague in northern Sydney. They have eaten my gaillardia, gazania, festuca and lomandra. A beautiful deep plum-coloured Gaillardia ‘Burgunder’ is reduced to a nub the size of my thumbnail. I’ve hit 1 with the car (distressing but fortunately a quick and clean kill – and YES it WAS an accident) and the cat has dispatched 4 rabbit kittens (go Balzac!) but the rest of my suburb is obviously not pulling its weight in bunny management. I am creating wire cages to put over some plants, a bit like giant versions of those mesh covers you put over picnic food but these ones are held down with tent pegs!

Julie Thomson
10 years ago

HOW do you fight this scourge? I don’t have a problem here, but do see many a scampering hare in the headlights driving along my neighbourhood streets, so someone close by must have a bunny headache.
Nature is a perverse con sometimes. I saw two lovely ducks waddling down my driveway today with five little chicks in tow and went all gooey until I saw the sticky loads of poop they left around my pool surrounds which is harder to shift than pitch.

They have a generous dam and a creek to play in. Why oh why do they choose my saltwater pool?