I am here to learn a) how to grow green things and b) how not to kill them. Up until now, these seemingly simple goals have proved extremely difficult and my 25 year past is littered with dead herb gardens, murdered bonsais and most recently, massacred flower bulbs (apparently you can’t leave them in a laundry for three years and then try to plant them). If you are a black thumb, a lazy gardener or a garden novice…this is the place for you. Come along with me as I try (key word: try) to convert my tiled inner-west Sydney courtyard into a garden.